Looking back now, I realize that I had limiting beliefs that blocked me from love coming into my life when I was single.
Some of those beliefs included:
Love is for other women, not me.
There are not enough good men out there.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find a man that has similar values as me.
Marriage might not be for me.
I’m not worthy of love.
Men are not respectful.
It’s ok if I never get married.
Maybe, you identify with one or more of them.
I’ll go over each of the beliefs I had and show how they blocked me from love.
- Love is for other women, not me.
I remember thinking this at the wedding of one of my friends. When my friend’s brother asked me a question about how I would like my wedding to be some day or a question similar to that, the thought “Love is for other women, not me” came to me right away. I thought of the times that relationships did not work for me and somehow I overgeneralized and thought that love was not for me. I realize now that just because a past relationship or even two or three or more relationships doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean that I should have thought “love is not for me.” Now, I see those relationships that didn’t work were a way for me to learn some lessons about myself. For me, I needed those failed relationships to really see what I value in life. Of course, it’s easier for me to say this now that I’m married. But, really, you can think that, too; think what lesson are these relationships that didn’t work trying to teach me? What is the lesson here?
- There are not enough good men out there.
I thought this limiting belief because dating relationships were not working for me. The truth of the matter is you only need one good man who is right for you. This sentence was a self-fulfilling prophecy for me. I’m sure you’ve heard of the research where students performed better depending on the expectations that their teachers had. Well, because of some past relationships that weren’t working, I had the idea that “there are not enough good men out there.” Since that is what I believed most of the time when I was single, then that is what I saw.
If you do a search on Facebook for “Catholic men,” you will find a number of groups for Catholic men. Some of the groups have thousands of men in the group.
From my search on Facebook and another search engine, I found the following websites geared towards Catholic men:
The Catholic Gentleman at catholicgentleman.net
Those Catholic Men at thosecatholicmen.com
Roman Catholic Man at romancatholicman.com
Catholic Men’s Fellowship of California at catholicmen.org
Catholic Men’s Leadership Alliance at catholicmenleaders.org and
Catholic Men Chicago Southland at cmcsmen.net.
Also, there are so many Knights of Columbus Councils worldwide.
“There is not a lot of good men out there” is not true.
- I don’t know if I’ll ever find a man that has similar values to me.
This is a statement saying that I wasn’t sure if I would find a man with similar values as me. Well, this sentence is saying a statement that could be true. I don’t think we can say for 100% guarantee that you “know” you’ll find someone. I could have set aside this statement more often than I did because worry doesn’t solve anything.
- Marriage might not be for me.
This statement is like the one before. This statement might or might not come true. During the times I thought marriage was not for me, that’s that reality I created for a long, long time.
- I’m not worthy of love.
This is not true. In Jeremiah Chapter 1, verse 5, are the well know words “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” God loves us so much, he thought of us before we were born. I’m sure you can find many other verses that speak of God’s love for you.
- Men are not respectful.
There are men who are not respectful, but there are also men who are respectful. This statement is an overgeneralization and does not apply to all men. I know that this thinking caused me to be more discouraged than I needed to be.
- It’s ok if I never get married.
Now, with this thinking, it’s like I already gave up before even trying to find someone. As I think about this statement, it makes me feel a certain resignation that when I thought this way, I felt no hope. Without hope, there’s no possibility for our dreams.
Do you have one or more of these limiting beliefs? One thing to do right now is to be more aware and start thinking of another more positive belief you can have instead.